Am I too old for this?

Malas nak letak watermark. Gambar masa gi South Korea.

So I was saying on my Instagram story about how I felt like blogging but always ending up not knowing what to blog about. So here I am trying to give it a go again. 

Sooooo hi korang. Gosh this is awkward. My glorious blogging and social media days are over. Should prolly change my blog's name to Blog Sendu. Haha. Seriously though that is how I feel after coming back from quiting the Internet cold turkey. I had about 16k followers on my IG, 10k on Twitter. Came back, created new accounts and the response seriously underwhelming. IG 2.4k ish followers, Twitter tak sampai 1k, and my Facebook page, been losing "fans" each time I post, so like WTH am I doing wrong? Sorry but I am a stats whore. Trying not to be anymore. 

Kadang tu fed up gak, rasa macam why did I ever come back, or why did I even leave ya know? I did leave to kind of restart my life again after going through some turbulence in my life. And hoping for a fresh new me fresh new start, fresh new outlook. But noooo, when I got back, the social media scene was cray cray. Mutual followers back then have like berpuluh, beratus ribu and a even a million followers now. And like mushroom influencers here and there with a huge following. Like whaaaaaa. 

Sue Anna Joe who? Halaa halaa teringat that one fella who made a spoof MySpace page called Sue Anna Who.. haha macam apa je, but hey I deserved it. I was indeed a "righteous b*tch".. still waiting for that book to be published girl. I doubt any one has any idea what I am membebeling about, but if you do, then you knowlah what I mean. Those were the days kan? 

But I am old la. Dah patut move on benda alah gini. Duk rumah, jadi mak mak, jaga anak, ya know. Leave behind dunia Internet ni. But nooooo how can I not join all the makcik bawangs and be left out right? 

So here I am struggling to find a balance, to try and move on from my days back then, but still be somewhat relevant. But it is tough, dah rasa jauh tenggelam, kecil, kerdil, terkambus, dah tak terkejar. A lot of times it does get me down, which is stupid I know. Semua dunia. But yeah, a lot of my past after school was all social media and made who I was known for. So it's seriously tough to let go. 

But what I can do is... first don't be tough on myself. Don't push myself to make things to look all perfect and nice. No need to prove myself to anyone. Stop comparing myself to others, especially their achievements. Be grateful for the tiniest things in life. And of course remember ini dunia semua sementara. Gotta make the most of it for the life after yaw. Ye dok? Kang dah habis masa, menyesal pun tak guna ye dok. Even satu saat pun kita rasa rugi aku tak buat bekalan yang secukupnya. But how cukup is cukup? 

You know we spend so much time on social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and other things Netflix e.t.c... padehal masa tu kita boleh guna untuk baca Qur'an, faham, hafal apa patut, zikir dan sebagainya.. yet we spend like perhaps 90% on worldly things and only 10% on ibadah. Even that 10% buat sebab wajib, and a lot of times masa beribadah tu kita duk teringat the 90% tu. Aduhhh. 

It's a struggle. It's a challenge we must face before it's too late. And by the way, kita perempuan yang paliiiing banyak temptation huwaaaa. Okaylah bai. Assalamualaikum. 

 {Sue Anna Joe}