Monologue: The feeling of giving up

Photo by Akshar Dave on Pexels

Is giving up an option? Yes and no. Some things I've given up, was the best choice I've made, but some turned out to be regrets. Of course there is no turning back, but there is always that question of "what if". This is life, the choices we make, the path we choose to take. It's always an adventure, scary a lot of times. 

But this is why, we need guidance in life. Dan kita sebenarnya dah ada "guidance" ni. Apa sepatutnya yang dituju dalam hidup ni. Tapi banyak masalah timbul sebab kita mengejar yang duniawi sampai matlamat yang kekal yang sepatutnya kita kecapi kita ambil ringan. 

I am always struggling with this, at the end of each day, I reflect on myself, and can't help but feel disappointed for not making the most out of it. And always set a new goal the next day, hoping to be a better me, and sometimes I do,  a lot of times I fail at it. And the thought of just giving up keeps on lingering in my head, which makes me feel all useless. And I fall back to zero. Get back up build the pieces again, only to bring it down another day. 

It's a tiring and an exhausting routine. 

But no, although I feel like giving up, I know I won't. I will always find a way to get back up, even it means I continue to fall, get hurt, get back up, only to fall again. 

There are changes I need to make. I do believe or at least like to believe that I do improve a bit each time. At least I am trying, and will try harder, and maybe less some days, but I will try no matter how hard I fall, I will go on. 

/end

Pandemic and the emotional roller coaster

Between the Petals by Sue Anna Joe
Digital painting done in Procreate
Based on photo reference (Pixabay from Pexels)

Hasn't been a great week for me to be honest. Been struggling a bit. I think this whole pandemic, MCO, is definitely taking a toll on me. I am used to working from home. But it's different, the restrictions, not being able to go out like normal. Wearing a mask, having to check your temperature, writing your details down, scanning the MySejahtera, the "x" on seats so you can't sit next to each other. 

My mood swings have been crazy, I can be fine, and just in a split second, I become extremely stressed and sad.  At times I can focus and get work done, a lot of times, I just get lost, stuck, and stumped. And it's a challenge to get back in the mood. I struggle each day. 

I just wish things can go back to normal. But at this rate, it seems pretty far fetched. Like it or not, I must adapt, find ways to destress and manage my emotions. It's unhealthy being this way. I have kids, and I have a home business to run. 

So I thought of blogging about this. Hoping that at least, it can help me release. Feel better about things. I know a lot are struggling right now. Things are not easy. If you are going through things, don't keep it to yourself. Have someone that you can confide in. For me, I guess blogging does help. 

I did say in my previous entries, I wanted to blog like every day. But skipped a few as I needed some time off. Had a lot on my mind. 

That is all... feel free to comment on how things are on your side. You can post anonymously. But I've to filter as I get spams a lot of the time. Let it out. We'll get through this together dear Internet friends. 

Much Love, Anna