Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Musings in the dark 002

The burning candle
burns and burns
melting away
till there is no more fire
no more light
only darkness
no more left for her to burn
no more left of her to burn
as the last smoke bids goodbye
she could only cry
leaving her melted wax
her melted heart
forever hardened

} sue anna joe {

Tuesday, 15 August 2017

On Being a Mom


Son with a paper boat.

The pregnancy

Being a mom has always been something I wanted. Have always loved kids since I was a kid myself. Even my answer to the "what do you want to be when you grow up" was being a babysitter. And so, in 2010, my lifelong dream came true and was blessed with a son. The first four months of pregnancy wasn't easy. I had really bad morning sickness. To the point that I was hospitalized for a whole week. Zofran was my friend back then. No more throwing up like a waterfall. Though recent studies have shown some negative side effects of the drug, Alhamdulillah son turned out fine. The next 5 months was quite a breeze. Ate as much as I wanted. Only gained 9kg though. My son was about 3.1kg or was it 3.4kg, or 3.14kg? Either way, the doctor said, my baby is normal sized, but I'm like an XS and baby is like an M sized. So it's quite big for lil' petite me. 

The labour

Labour was not too bad, but I had difficulty at the end. The vacuum did not work, and my legs got super tired. My doctor told the nurses to prep me for a c-sec. The midwife nurse was concerned, she was saying "alaa kesiannya...", so she got up on a stool, and with the palm of her hands, she started pushing on my stomach, I didn't feel much pain (was on Epidural) as she pushed, but felt a whole lot of pressure, I moaned "Allahuakbar".. and finally the baby came out. 

A mom mistake: iPads and social media

Throwing and arrow thingy into a pot thingy.
Namsangol Hanok Village, South Korea.

As of now, it's been 7 years since I've been a mom. How does it feel? Wonderful yet challenging. There have been many many times that I feel like a terrible mother. Many many times where I've made mistakes. One of the hugest mistakes was giving my son his own iPad. At first, I thought it could be a great educational tool. Showing videos of the alphabets, apps and games that are meant for learning. Huge mistake. 

Only realized this mistake when Luqman started kindergarten. Very short attention span and tantrums. With the iPad, everything is fast paced. You can just skip when bored, in school, there isn't such a thing as "Skip Ad". This whole instant gratification via technology is bad. I've already seen numerous videos, where a baby was crying over a phone because he/she wanted to see a video, and a recently a kid threatening his grandfather with a chopping knife because of some online game. 

Sad thing this negative impact does not only affect the kids but us adults. Being so caught up checking social media accounts; Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, e.t.c.... the percentage of attention you give to your kids have decreased. Or perhaps you'd shoo away your kid when he/she wants something from you while you are looking at your phone. That shooing away, even if it's only for a second or two, does have an impact on them. 

It was only when I took a long break from the Internet (about 2 years), where I deleted all my social media account, blogs and whatever online presence I had, I realized the damage it can cause. Not only it affected me, but my son as well :( It seems that we have more eye contact with our phone screens rather than on our kids these days. It's sad really what technology have moulded us into. The problem is, it's extremely addicting and seems harmless. Why? Because everyone else is doing it. 

How many of us take photos of our kids, only to ask them to keep still cause mommy wants to post them in their cute outfits on Instagram? What are we teaching our kids? After the photo is taken, we would take the time to edit and figure out a witty caption to go along with. How much time does this take away than real, direct interaction with our kids? So much precious time wasted, just because we want to be on the bandwagon of social media junkies. It's just as bad as drug and alcohol addiction. 


Being a mom ain't easy. It requires a lot of patience, energy, and a whole lot of love. I only have one kid, and it's tough but so worth it. I do want more kids. I've had two miscarriages (something I will share about in another entry). I try not to share too much about my personal life like I used to. But I am willing to share things that can help and hopefully be beneficial to others out there.

Pretty much why I find it harder to update my blog as I am very selective of the things I post online these days. Alright, till my next post, bye!

{Sue Anna Joe}

Thursday, 27 April 2017

Musings in the dark 001

It's almost midnight as I am writing this. So many things going through my head. But it's so hard to sort them out. Clutter in my head. Muttering discretely trying to let it out. Have you ever wondered about the strangers you pass by, or the ones where you share silence inside an elevator. Seeing the numbers pressed, where to, where from. 

Inside elevators we all become judgemental. Such a small, constrained space, filled up with other people. Sometimes sweaty, sometimes sweet smelling, sometimes just there. You end up looking at the other person, bottom to top. Shoes, bags, watch, shirt, hair, e.t.c... That awkward silence, but that subtle urge to say something, and wanting to know who this stranger is. Alas, it is only a short trip, up or down the elevator. That unspoken goodbye. 

Till we meet again stranger.

} sue anna joe {
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